I Heard It Though The Grapevine

Just to keep you on pins and needles (as I'm sure you all are), I thought I'd hold back the infamous quote list from the Montana trip for a few days. Since you've been brought up to speed on all (well...most) of our doings in Bigfork, Montana, I will now share with you the quote list from my summer trip to Montana. We got some good ones this time. Rod may very well have the makings of a second edition shirt.

In case you are new to the quote list, let me through down some rules/disclaimers:

1) Names are not changes to protect the not-so-innocent
2) Quotes do not necessarily literally mean what they say...but yet, sometimes they do and we'll never tell.
3) Some, but very few, liberties have been taken to make up for those not so accurately scribed quotations (I'd like to thank my friend Vodka for that).
4) I recognize that quotes aren't near as fun for those not in attendance...sorry, but since they are fun for a few they will be shared with the masses (ok, so masses is propably a stretch for Leigh Leigh Land readers, but it's my land and I'm going with it)
5) The messenger must not be shot...aka I cannot be held responsible for the stupid, silly, and sometimes inappropriate things people say (unless of course I said it).

Now that the legalities are out of the way, let the fun begin:

That kid is in for the ride of his life. - Leigh
It's been a while since I had a rod in my hand. - Leigh
Where's Wally when you need him? - Ash
It's a big production between the Aggies and the whores. - Leigh
And here's the problem...I have no Pip's. - Leigh
...because her face is in your vagina. - Leigh
We better have some Hot Damn on that boat to loosen him up. - Alicia (it should be noted that this quote made the list via phone call)
I'll see you tomorrow if I don't kill myself first. - Alicia (again via phone)
You're really creeping me out. - Ashley
Maybe I'll be British tonight. - Leigh .
..the town needs to know we're here. -Leigh
How many times have I had my leg up on things at your house. - Leigh
Tell Leigh I go bareback, therefore not applicable. - Brett (and Brett is on the board via phone)
That's not the only reason people look us funny in this bar. - Ashley
So maybe that's what a drink is supposed to taste like. - Leigh
I mean...that was a $225 nap. - Ashley
I'm glad I get a do over in Montana. -Brett
Every Memorial Day there was seamen all over the streets. - Brett
I treat my guys really well. - Alicia
Can someone hold my hand through this. - Brett
We sat on the porch and just moaned. - Leigh
And I'll be hiding it in my special box. - Ash
We've been thrusting a lot of stuff on your face. - Leigh
I don't like things that sting...especially when you pee. - Brett
Do you want me to go choke out a deer? - Brett......Is that a euphemism? -Leigh
Just keep it in your pants. - Brett
I don't like the taste of steel in my mouth. - Ash
There's only so much I can do with my hands. - Leigh
...and I love a good climax. -Leigh
I've been peed on before. - Brett
He's the one who had to leave the office when I pulled my pants down - Alicia
...because my crotch wasn't wet. - Brett
If you defecate you have to own up to it. - Brett
It hurts inside. - Leigh
Hey...I'm gonna pack some poo poo paper. - Brett
My muff! - Alicia
No...don't use your finger. - Ash
I think I had a decanter too many. - Alicia
The gripper. - Brett
Don't grab your penis. - Leigh
I have pepto. - Ashley...Oh I already took 4....I'm on lock down. - Brett
I'll have some Taylor Swift. - Brett
Give that a swallow and tell me what you think. - Brett
If you're gonna remember one thing it should be where you left your pants. - McCreedy
Holy f^%#....I haven't dropped near enough acid for that. - McCreedy
No really...you're gonna have to explain the llama. - Rod
Wait that's all Leigh's?!?! - Rod
You like to rub it? - Rod
You have to work harder from the back. - Rod
I feel high. - Brett
That guy on the bow of the boat is drinking heavily. - Random fisherman
I brought questions to break the ice. - Leigh.
Pull it out Lish. - Rod
We're mating. - Leigh....I like it when you guys do that. - Rod
It's not very often I get you in the position. - Rod
We hit the sweet spot. - Alicia
I could really go both ways. - Alicia
She always takes it from behind. - Leigh
I do my best work on my knees. - Leigh...You do do your best work on your knees. - Rod
What are you doing to me Rod? - Alicia
I just want to clear things up...I didn't start that. - Rod
This chair is making me moist. - Alicia
He can just loaf off the boat. - McCreedy
I'm against any ass shoving. - Brett
I've had a lot work done down there. I just want people to stay away. - Brett
I figured I'd get y'all drunk enough and... - Brett
You're either about to win or you're about to expose yourself. - Leigh
They just do...I mean who would put doo doo in a sock? - Brett
Really...if your really cold you stick it the groin area. - Alicia
How'd y'all get me to do that? -McCreedy
Was that just alcohol? - McCreedy
Everyone's always trying to get in McCreedy's pants? - McCreedy
I don't buy into a lot of what they say but... - Brett
I like songs about colored people. - Leigh
I'm really pleased with Brett's performance. - Ashley
I'll just say I don't put balls in my mouth. - Leigh
There's just one thing we want...either____ or _____. - Brett
Brett is actually the definition of being creepy without being creepy. - Ashley
I like the emotional unavailability...but I also need them to treat me badly. - Ashley
Is that a uterus hanging out or are those just balls? - Leigh
I had a good experience with my round brush today...and not in a weird way. - Leigh
Why do I look so big...I mean I'm not Wally. - Brett
No...Rod always strokes us. - Leigh
I'm on my 4th wind. - Brett
He was giving out any vibes when we were down there....but he wasn't playing footsie with me. - Brett
He ate his ass. - Brett
That's the chair that made me moist. -Alicia
Whatever gets the squint out of your eyes. - Eric
Isn't it you that's good at tossing rocks? - Leigh
I'm really into this new band called Led Zeppelin. - Leigh
You want to touch mine. - Brett
Would you like to be my gripper?- Brett
She's been known to wet herself a time or too. - Leigh
She made a Sunday with your spunk on top. - Leigh
They call me Aqua Poo. - Brett
Are you getting wet over there? - Alicia
He gave us a stare when she was digging. - Alicia
I look around and you say all these people are normal...you've been at Ego''s too long. - Alicia
He hoisted his junk. - Leigh
I'm not always a whore. - Alicia
I hate dancing cowboys. - Leigh
You just put it in your throat and let it slide down. - Ash
The homeless savant was caressing me. - Leigh
That reminds me of a blow job...shot - Ash
You can't type fast enough for this conversation. - Alicia
That's not pheromones that's cleavage. - Alicia
Arriba means get it up. - Dewayne
...and I'm good with it too - Red Headed Stranger
It's just one night you'll get over it. - Ash
Did you poop today Leigh? - Eric
I have never chucked a meat fly. - Leigh
At that point I didn't want a stranger roaming around the house. - Ash
If you were more forthcoming we wouldn't have to ask these awkward question. - Leigh

Mazel tov

There is just something about the first and last night's of a trip. You blow it up big on your first night fueled primarily by excitement and anticipation...and the bloody marys on the plane never hurt. But we tend to blow it up big on the back end of the trip as well. The energy behind this comes solely from the impending doom that is hoovering closer and closer to us. So to battle these demons we must trudge on....nothing could stop us from having "a good good night" on Saturday night.

By Saturday we were dwindling, but the three original Montanianians remained. Saturday's day was filled with more of the same...porch, run, cocktails + some laundry, packing, and cleaning up. Boo. We treated ourselves to a nice diner in Bigfork at La Provence. Dinner was particularly delicious this time and the three of us spent the meal recapping quotes and tomfoolery from the previous week. We ended the meals with some bubbles before heading out for drinks on the town.

The Roadhouse was our first gig on our farewell tour. And once again the Roadhouse did not disappoint (although McCreedy did disappoint, by not showing up). Many of the same characters were there, but some new faces were out on the town that night...like the Redheaded Stranger, Dewayne, Bob the Builder, and Mellow Yellow.

I immediately took to the stage and belted out a few good ones, only to be ridiculed on my last performance of the night. Haven't I learned anything over these past few years....that the Roadhouse is "where I discovered I wasn't a rapper"...but the adrenalin got to me (or maybe it was those generous vodka sodas) and I committed to performing 50 Cent's Lil' Bit. Thank goodness for the local talent, who swooped into help salvage our less than pristine reputations in this town.

Saturday night;s at the Roadhouse for karaoke are my home

away from hom (I mean Ego's). Love The Roadhouse KJ - Jodi

The originals!

Some of our new local frends: The Redheaded Stranger,

Bob the Builder, and Dewayne

A Karaoke tragedy...our failed attempt at singing 50 Cent's Lil Bit

me and Twizz at the Roadhouse

From the Roadhouse, we got off track a bit by heading back into Bigfork and on to the Garden Bar...where we entered what seemed like a fraternity party. The young whippersnappers were out in force. Our fishing guide, Eric had lured us (no pun intended) under false pretenses.....that we would get to see our other backup guide, Andy. Alas, it was only Eric. We stayed for a few drinks anyway, and ultimatley parted ways wiith Eric until next year's trip (or sooner if we're lucky). We all herded ourselves back to the house for some late night snacking, a little porch time, and some more fun!

me and Ashley with Eric....

with a little cameo by Dewayne in the back there

And there you have it. All of our fun wrapped up into a few blog entries. I think we did Fergie and the Peas proud as we lived out their song, "I Gotta Feelin" as the theme song of our trip. (Well that and the "Show Me Your Genitals" song, but it just didn't seem fitting...at least for this trip. I feel confident it will be appropriate one of these days.) Until then...Mazel tov!

Check out more pictures our last night's escapades here.

"That kid is in for the ride of his life"

Friday was our second day of fishing and we took to the Flathead river in the early morning light...well it was actually more like 11am.

2009 Trout Slayers

As I mentioned before, Alicia and I have had to accept the fact that we occasionally must fish with someone other than Rod. Last year it was Andy, this year it was Eric's turn.

Let me set the stage here. Eric is the owner of the outfitter. He owns a fly shop on Main Street in downtown Bigfork. Married, father of 2. 40 years old. Let me also say that the guy is serious about fishing. I know, typically a great quality in a guide, but come on...look who your dealing with. I need to set the record straight though....while we are by no means fanatics, we do however like to fish and enjoy tips on mastering that perfect cast. So, this year the crazy girls we paired with the serious guide. As McCreedy once said, "this could be good, or this could be bad...but I think good." Indeed it was. To break the ice, we came bearing gifts....specifically in the form of tequila (which we heard would loosen him up a bit). Having seen Eric out on the town a few night prior, we had already broken through the initial "discover each other's bodies" faze (and yes, that's a euphemism), so once we got the iPod cranking (which he was initially opposed to) and the tequila flowing it was determined that "that kid was in for the ride of his life."

The more mature boat (and please note, I use that term very lightly) was its typical self. Ash and Brett paired with McCreedy who has no been affectionately dubbed McCreeky...thanks in part to old age and a salty lifestyle. To add to the fun...McCreeky brought Marley, his trusty chocolate lab. But to spice things up, McCreeky surprised us all with his helmet cam. Let's just say he had me at helmet cam! (and yes, I'll be getting one very soon).

Team Eric

Team McCreeky

Check out that helmet cam!

Marley had a ball (or should I say a stick)

The day on the water was fairly typical. Beautiful scenery, fabulous weather (although it was a recording breaking day of 88 degree heat - 88 degrees, hoh?!?! shesh), and great company. We got in some great boat on boat interaction, did some great casting (and sling shotting), and Alicia...I mean Terry...got to row the boat for a bit. We even shotgunned beers in honor of Andy, our back up guide from last year.

Dolly took to this pretty quickly

Alicia caught a nice cutthroat

I can't believe Eric let Terry row his boat

Our boat had some sling shotting fun

And we got pretty corporate with the tequilia

We have a strict "don't ask/don't tell" policy with this one

After a great day on the river, we headed to Woody's....our favorite gas station/restaurant/bar. Gotta love that. There we recapped the day and, well frankly, sobered up a bit with some assorted fried deliciousness.

Ash and the guides at Woody's

Brett and the ladies (sans Terry)

After Woody's the guides joined us back at the house for some of Ashley's famous chili on the porch. As if having the guides over to the house wasn't the icing on the cake, they kicked it up a notch building a fie down by the river and led us in a fire side sing-a-long. Well, the fire part is true, but a sing-a-long would have put it right over the top for me. Maybe next time.

It was Brett's last night, so we said our goodbyes that night before retiring.

Fireside by the river

Eric warming up by the fire

Check out more pics from our Friday fun on the Flathead.

"We're free to party"

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were free days. Seriously, we actually schedule free days....after all it is a vacation and we need our relaxing porch time.

Most of the day Tuesday was spent lounging around the house. Brett and Alicia both went for a run, while Ash and I got our exercise by reading on the porch. I stayed in my pjs until roughly 5pm, when I showered and got ready for cocktail hour on the porch. Ash served up her famous Huckleberry Vodka Lemonade. So yummy! With signature drinks in hand we played poker on the lawn overlooking the Swan. We really never tire of that view!

Huckleberry Vodka Lemonade on the porch

Brushing up on the rules of poker is a must...for me

Poker on the porch

Dinner that night was also at the house. Ash made another incredible dinner. This time it was pine nut encrusted halibut with her famous mashed potatoes and a make-shift creamed spinach (it was supposed to be asparagus, but we forgot it so "we" improved with some canned spinach...practically sacrilege). All in all a tame evening, but we were treated to a surprise visit from McCreedy who (a) has never been to the house and (b) never fraternizes with us outside of the office (aka off the river). What a treat. He even brought his 11 year old chocolate lab, Marley!

Once again we dined al fresco

Marley and McCreedy

Wednesday was a big day for the outdoorsmen in the group. Brett and Alicia spent the afternoon hiking in Glacier National Park. They got some incredible pictures and Brett even saw a bear. Since Ash and I had been there/done that (well the been there part at least), we opted for some additional porch time at the house.

Brett and Alicia at Glacier National Park

Alicia and Brett hiking in Glacier

That evening we all gathered back on the porch for huckleberry mojitos and headed into Bigfork for a night on the town. Dinner was at Invite and once again, did not let us down. My favorite thing about Invite though is probably their huckleberry martini. It is so good I can still almost taste it.

The gang at Invite

The drinks were following that night, so we ventured next door to the Garden Bar, where a live band was kicking on the back patio.

The gang at the Garden Bar

the girls at the Garden Bar

After we'd had enough fun there, we headed back toward the house with a pit stop at the Roadhouse (which, incidentally was Brett's first trip to the Roadhouse). Ash opted out of our Roadhouse excursion, but the remaining three of us forged on. There we met Squeak, the bartender who was surely serving herself more than the clientele. But there, mixed in with the locals, was Eric....the fishing outfitter we use and occasionally use as our guide. You know the drill...Ash always fishes with McCreedy and Alicia and I with Rod....but since Rod is only guiding a few days a week we have to settle for the occasional backup guide. This year Eric drew the short straw...and I think he was as nervous about it as we were. But, I digress. We spot Eric from across the bar and break the ice for the upcoming fishing trip. He even came back to the house for a drink on the porch before we all retired after our wild Wednesday night.

the gang (sans Ashley) at the Roadhouse with Eric (far left),

Squeek (bottom right), and the Ice Road Trucker (in the back)

Squeek

Needless to say, Thursday morning was...how should I say this...brutal for most everyone. We slept late and spent the day retelling tales from the hazy night before. Some even vowed not to drink that day, but that actually didn't hold true. Dinner that night was low key and was a repeat of Ash's angle hair pasta with lobster and truffle oil. After dinner, we sipped (more slowly than the night before) cocktails and Brett taught us a new card game.....that I actually like once I finally mastered the rules. Wait, did I ever master them? Early to bed that night though, as a day of fishing on the Flathead river awaited us.

Not sure how, but my boots never made it

out of my jeans from the night before

Thursday night dinner al fresco

Learning 7 up/7 down

Click here to see more pics from our footloose and fancy free days in Montana.