Well friends we've got another successful ranch trip under our belts.
The group:
the usual suspects....Ashley and Leigh;
our Fort Worth compadres....Brett and Wally;
and our San Antonio buds and their kiddos...all ten of them.
We spent the weekend out at the beautiful Hidden Valley Ranch in Medina, Texas. As usual the weekend was full of great friends, great fun, and lots and lots of potential pee-in-your-pants moments. Thankfully we got past this one without incident.
The weekend started on Friday beautiful, crisp and cool afternoon. Ashley, Wally and Brett, and I met up at The Lodge late afternoon on Friday and we fell right into our usual banter. After a few inaugural beers we awaited the arrival of our friends from San Antonio who finally pulled in "Roadhouse style"....you could hear them coming from the front gate and they had no less than 5 in their caravan....and their trucks are enough to give anyone a little truck envy. The hunters took to their blinds, the kids hit the hill for some "sledding", and it was on to the kitchen to prepare dinner for the night.
Foy came in with the weekend's first kill...a nice looking aoudad. There's nothing I love more than seeing a one of the hunters pull up with something dead. After dinner and the kids were drugged and put to bed, the adults assumed their usual positions around the firepit for some dancing and debauchery.
Event of note....somehow the dead, skinned, decapitated aoudad ended up in Craig's truck bed....unbeknownst to him. After several hours of wondering where the carcass was....Craig happened upon the shrapnel in the back of his truck and it was officially "game on."
Only a few hunters hit the blinds that afternoon, but they were all pretty much successful A doe, a pig, and...wait for it....wait for it...a black buck antelope. But, not just any black buck antelope. This "crafty little bastard" was the last of the Mohicans...the very last black buck on the property. We must all take a moment of silence to recognize the sacrificial service that our old friend (or maybe foe) the black buck gave us. Yes, friends....Operation Black Buck was finally a success. After many long years, Wally finally came face to face with his nemesis. In what I can only imagine as a showdown of the old west, I am thrilled to say that Wally sent that little guy to Antelope Heaven. And...I'm proud to say that Wally...the shoulder mounting buzz kill that he is...will indeed be stuffing that bad boy for his office wall. Congrats Wally...job well done. I'm sure Bobby and Bobby Ray will sleep better tonight knowing that their patchwork fence will need to be patched no more.
Saturday night was spent in the usual fashion...the hunters skinned their kills, a wonderful dinner was prepared by our friends from San Antonio, games were played, and we took to the fire pit. The best part of the evening was when Brad asked Brett when he thought Wally would notice Craig's revenge of the aoudad on his truck? We looked around to find a lovely pair of aoudad balls hanging from the review mirror. Little did Brad know that it was actually Brett's truck and not Wally's. But, of course Brett was a good sport and we all had a nice laugh at Craig's effort at revenge. That wasn't the last we would see of the aoudad balls though. But, I'll let Craig tell you all about his late night fire pit incident with them another time.
As usual, I took note of some of the most memorable moments from the weekend. Here are just a sampling of some of what was overheard at Hidden Valley Ranch this weekend:
“Are you airing out your kitty?” - Wally
“That’s gonna look like a Yakima on your head.” - Wally
“Brad…you’ve been perioded.” - Craig
“Anything with areola in it is clearly gonna be mine.” - Wally
“I mean….you can’t go down to the tank and catch a marlin.” - Wally“
This party ain’t ending anytime soon…I can just tell.” - Brett“
"Licking involves motion of your tongue.” - Ashley
“That’s not a stick baby, that’s a log.” - Shannon
“Wh…where’s the beer?” - Jack
“I’ve seen a guy lick nuts before.” - Wally
“If my wife wants to get pregnant…all she has to do is sit on the shower drain.” - Brad
“Take your top off honey.” - Craig
“Finger that dictaphone.” -Wally
“Man….if you got areola….yeah.” - Brett
“Have you checked your goo?” - Leigh
“If I get wine will you bring the wood?” - Brett
“He’s captain ugly.” - Mitch
“Maybe they’ll have a boob off.” - Brett
“If you can come up with a name for that…I’m in.” - Wally
“That guy is thick.” - Brett
“My wife is sitting on a pair of flapjacks and BBs.” - Craig
“The only time I’m gonna handle poo is if I’m putting it in a sock.” - Wally
“I’m feeling naughty.” - Brett
“I’m drying out my liver.” Brad ……”That’s what Sunday’s are for.” - Shannon
“I’ll handle the kitchen…you handle the guns.” - Brett
“I’m sorry but….vaginas don’t absorb nutrients.” - Mitch
“I just like to say the word lube.” - Wally
“You need to stay down here and rub on me.” - Craig
“I felt a deer penis.” - Jack
“Hey captain obvious.” - Wally
“Do I know my bitch or what?!” - Brett
“Cranium is about as cool as syphilis.” PJ
“Do you all know my syphilis story?” -Mitch
I'd also like to note that we all walked away from the weekend a little smarter than before having learned a little about "Gushers", "Oysters" , and "The Dirty Carl."
Thanks again for a great weekend Ash. You are, as always, a wonderful host. See you all in the Fall for next year's hunting season.
Click here to see all our crazy pics from this weekend at the ranch.
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